The story of how I came to practice #ThoughfulMovements
That is the quote I posted on my Facebook account just over 3 years ago when I decided to leave a job I had been working in for over 5 years. The eventual decision to leave was based on the combination of pressures I was placing on myself. I was trying to do too many things at once which ended up with me not doing any of them well, and a buildup of stress and anxiety that in large part was due to a lack of movement in my life.
I was stagnant in more ways than one, at the same time there was a growing force inside me that was so ready for movement, for change, and for new situations and experiences, but I was suppressing it. The breaking point came when I could no longer sustain it and my body began was showing signs of the pressure and lack of movement. I felt really unwell, and in case that wasn't enough. I also felt thoroughly inadequate because I was an experienced Qi Gong practitioner and teacher who had based their life around health.
It wasn't just my body that was telling me that it was time for a change. Mentally I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I would come home after a days work, get into bed and try and prepare myself to do it all over again the next day. Anxiety attacks and over-stimulation were a normal part of my day, and I felt as far away from the kind of healthy life that I wanted for myself as I could be.
Before I decided that it was time to leave, I made an easier initial decision; that I needed time away from work to get my thoughts together and really give myself the opportunity to think about what I wanted to do with my life, because I knew with certainty it wasn't what I was currently doing. Whilst I was giving myself space to think about I wanted going forward, I was presented with the possibility of doing the next London Feldenkrais Training (2016-2020).
I had already been engaging with the Feldenkrais Method for about a year and found it to be the only really effective way for regulating my anxiety levels. As soon as I allowed myself time to consider it as an option, I knew it was what I wanted to do with my life. I felt that passionate about it and the way it had helped me. Feldenkrais had given me a sense that change was possible, and that gave me hope during a really difficult period of my life.